Have you ever felt tired of seeking a God that just never seems to want to be found?
Talking to the ceiling and wondering if anyone is actually listenning?
Trying to live right in the best way you know how and instead of life getting easier, it seems like things are getting harder than they were when you did not care.
It gets really hard to embrace the thought of a life of constant prayer when it seems like we are begging to be acknowledged or to be responded to by God, and it's Understandable.No one wants to stay on the phone with someone they are not so fond off, or worse of all no one wants to have to call someone they barely know on a daily basis. There is the awkwardness that stems from not knowing what to say. I think that is where many of us who struggle with Prayer might be missing the mark. Even Prayer as we "know" it, is a process.. it is a journey.
While I have not known the Lord for Ages, I was certain that we had passed the Hey, Hello stage.
Well.. not until recently He led to research on what it actually means to get to know someone. Apparently I was getting it all wrong, and I can see that now.I came to understand that there is a great difference between knowing someone and knowing about someone. When we develop interest in someone, we often start by establishing some kind of communication with this individual. First there is the exchange of names and sometimes phone numbers. This is because we assume that if we will be building a relationship with this person there has to be a means through which they can be reached. Overtime, through conversations we learn about this new friend. They ask about our experiences and we find out about their backgrounds, opinions and whatever else we feel we want to know.
In this Case that is where the Word of God comes in. While we are just getting to know God, The Word is all we have that can introduce Him to us for ourselves. I remember when I started studying the Scriptures and I would get to so intimidated by all the people around me who could quote all kinds of scriptures and it just seemed like I was never going to get there. I would get so discoraged and somehow in my spirit I would hear this still small voice asking me what my motive for studying the scriptures was.
I had to realise that I was studying the scriptures because I wanted to know more about God.I have to be honest that it gets really hard for me to understand the King James version sometimes, so I resorted to something less complex.Hopefully overtime I will upgrade.lol. I came to realise that my studying the Word of God was primarily to get to knowmore about this God. The way He thinks and the way He goes about His business. As I spent more time studying and learning about him through the scriptures, He started making little things very clear.
Studying the Scriptures with the help of the Holy spirit becomes more like a conversation.He is so open to questions as you read and He is right there to expand and even relate what you read to your present day circumstances. The letters in the Bible become like a gate that take you into a deeper understanding of the Character of God. I remember the Spirit of God once asking me in an attempt to memorize some scriptures I had just studied.. Do you try to memorize the conversations with your friends?
When I thought about it, I really don't. We just talk alot, about everything. They rarely tell me things like.. I am this kind of person. However due to our constant conversations I have come to learn about their characters.I have come to know their voices, what they like and what they do not like and now I actually talk like them. Therefore even the memorization of a scripture would come naturally when it constantly meditated upon. This meditation I believe, comes from a deeper understanding or revelation that is gotten from the text.
This understanding took off a lot of pressure primarily because, when I think about how big the bible is, and how full it is with all sorts of revelation, I can only be encouraged to keep going when I understand that all I am doing is getting more knowledge about someone I would really like to know.
I look at it this way. Indulge me and Think of His Word like this.Your Significant other is very far away from you. They are far in the sense that you can't see them when you want to, yet you are really invested in this relationship working out.You talk on the phone but it is not quite the same. You send text messages but sometimes even those get misunderstood.Theyknew it might be really hard for you to cope with nothing to hold unto, so they left behind their personal journals incase . In these journals they wrote their deepest thoughts, desires ,dreams and experiences daily for years. They have never really shared it with anyone.These are things they will never really sit down and tell you. Who would? It is a lot if you think about it.
Your ability to spend the time to read and share in this gives so much more depth to your conversations when you actually do get the chance to talk.You learn about things they went through long before you got to know them.You discover things to appreciate and things to look out for. There will be things they wrote that you do not have to pretend that you do not understand when you don't, simply because now you can ask them. After having access to these journals, it becomes easy for you to know whether or not this is someone you want to be with. This decision does not come from what anyone told you, It comes from what you have come to understand for yourself.
If You were to forget everything anyone ever told you about God. If you were to disregard the sermons and the books, What would you say you know about God from your own experience? It is what you have come to know about Him that will keep you in the Storm. Think about it this way, What if everything you ever heard about God was a lie, how would you know but for what you know through His word and your conversations with him, Prayer. Without our own revelation of Who God is to us, we will never have anything to build on. As a result, there is nothing to talk to him about.There is no middle ground.
I do not think we are abnormal if we struggle with Prayer. I think that Religion, the simple act of doing things because we feel it is the right thing to do or because we are told, or because we want to fit into societal expectations takes away the flavor from a true walk with God.
Prayer I believe is simply a heart to heart talk with God. A place where you can say whatever you want to say and not be scared of being judged or having to come correct. Over time we tend to change our approach to God because the more we learn about who He really is and the more we draw near to Him, He too draws near to us and we start to see Him for who He really is and we can't help but reverence him. It is a process and like any other, it takes time.
About three to four years ago,I was sitting on my bed one night and I was literally frustrated with what I called the things of God. I was so frustrated that for the first time I did not care to come to God all Proper.. Heavenly Father I thank you for today....none of that. I yelled in my bedroom like He was physically there with me for about 12 to 15 minutes.I went on about how hard it was to follow God and how unfair He is and while I was rude, It was REAL..It was from my heart.That was how i truly felt.
I had been believing to hear the voice of the Spirit for God for so long and all this while it was to no avail until this one night when i went off ..I threw away all the protocol and was just my messed up self,and when I was done I heard this voice say to me... YOU HAVE SPOKEN, NOW LET ME SPEAK. As soon as I heard the Voice, I did not have it in me to be stubborn , to argue or anything like that, I just yielded to It. I had gotten into the habit of Journaling a little while before then, and He asked me to pick up my journal and write what He says.
That was the first time I heard From God for myself. Everthing I ad heard before did not get me to that point.The five steps to hearing from God and Six reasons you cannot hear him.I believe I heard from Him that da because for the first time regardless of how I came,I spoke from my heart.(proverbs 4:32b) says He Offers His freinship to the Godly. We love our friends because we can be ourselves with them and we are accepted.. weaknesses and all, through thick and thin.. I think this Scripture is just telling us that being Friends with God does not mean we have to be in any specific way..It is just about us being ourselves.He has a way of taking it from there.
I have been led to share what I thought was an amazing letter from the heart of God. It has been four years and everytime I look back at it , It blesses me over and over again. It has stayed with me since that day and I am believing that by reading this, maybe you too like me will come to learn something new about this amazing God who is so misunderstood sometimes.
This has been a lot longer than I thought it would be so I would go ahead and share the letter in the very next post. Thank you for taking the time out read my little reflections and thoughts. Hopefully it gave you something small to think about.It's all Process!!!
Why this journey
There is a major factor we most often fail to consider when we make plans for the future, that factor my friends, is called Life.In my mind I picture it like the game Hide and Seek.You have a few minutes to find a spot, and Ready or not.. here it comes. Life unravels itself in the most random way sometimes, and regardless of how much we prepare for it, I am learning that there are certain things we will just never see coming.
As Human beings we are all vulnerable to the Whens, Whys, Hows and Wheres that the various circumstances we face throw at us. Sometimes it's just that tiny little piece of the puzzle we are searching for, and other times it's the uncertainty about where to begin.
So I began a journey,a search is to discover what it was in me that was constant. I wanted to know the thing that stands true even when hit with the greatest paradox in life,that immeasurable gap between my dreams and my reality.
This Blog is all about that journey. An attempt to hold unto one thing I am certain was the same the day I was born, and will stay true till I die.
Giving my Life to Jesus has released to me what I believe is the greatest treasure of all times. The best way I can describe it is as, is a Personal mirror of truth.I must admit that my reflection scares me most of the time, for the simple fact that it is perfect.I must admit that I have been bothered by the parallels of what I see and how I feel but slowly I see possibility of these paths merging. This Perfection, I have come to understand to be the way GOD sees me. It is independent of what I have said or not said, what I have done or have not done. It is that part of me that does not fluctuate.
I look deep into this mirror and though what I see must be true, it seems so hard to believe because it is contrary to what i know of myself.
I am hoping that through this journey , I can grow to share God's Perspective which is The reflection in the mirror.It is Clear now and I hope it becomes even clearer, I am just perfect for the Job He has for me.
I hope these reflections, prayers, poems and thoughts will strike a cord in you too and maybe we all can start looking past what Life says about us, to finding our own mirrors and admiring that perfect reflection in the Mirror.
